Category Archives: Peruano

Overcoming the Prejudices in Peru

Posted on July 19, 2011 | 44 Comments

Peru is a country of tradition, so there’s often a fiasco when someone breaks the norms. Overcoming the prejudices takes self-confidence and a strong belief in oneself. Ana tells us about her experiences and how she faces the discrimination.

Ana y Deiby

Ana's family and friends give her a hard time about her relationship with Deiby, seven years her junior.

Ana Santillán Muñoz is 31 years old and has made a name for herself as an architect and the president of an NGO, gaining the respect of her peers and employees despite being a young female in positions of power, a not-so-common phenomenon in the Central Andes. Now she faces the jury of social norms once again concerning her long-term relationship with Deiby, seven years her junior. “The hardest part about it has been the prejudices, not only because I’m older, but also because I have more studies behind me and already have an established life,” she explains. “I have a role in society and others have a hard time dealing with me mixing roles.”

They’ve been together for almost a year, yet Ana’s family and friends continue to show their disapproval. Most of the time she reacts in silence or doesn’t pay attention to what others say; other times, she defends herself by reminding the critics that it’s her life. “It’s most difficult with my family because their opinion matters to me,” she explains. “But in time, they’ll see that I’m happy.”

Ana y Deiby en la Playa

Ana's relationship with Deiby has changed her.

The relationship has changed her. “I’ve never been the housewife type,” Ana admits, but now she cooks, does laundry and shops for groceries. “I saw myself in the mirror the other day at the supermarket and wondered what had happened,” she jokes. In the past, she imagined herself traveling all over the world and never saw the need for a house, but now she wants to settle down in Huancayo and have her own space with her partner. In fact, she’s even thinking about having children.

Her advice for people in a similar situation? Have patience and tolerance. “As women, we want to solve things,” she reflects. “But you can’t ‘fix’ another person.” Ana also notes that she and Deiby are the best of friends. “It’s less scary to say the difficult things if your relationship is also based on a friendship.”

How have you been different from the norm and how did you face the ensuing challenges?

P.S. This post was scheduled — I’m still traveling and I’ll be back by early next week! I promise to respond to comments and give love to your blogs when I return! =)

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Are You a Bystander?

Posted on April 25, 2011 | 65 Comments

No one knew that he was dead. He sat upright against the wall for support, his head hanging forward in a resting position. He had been robbed of everything after exiting a nightclub in Huancayo and they left him there, probably imagining that he’d wake up from his drunken stupor. He didn’t. Instead, he died of hypothermia from a cold Andes night.

Borracho Durmiendo en la Calle

People have become numb to drunken men sleeping on the streets of downtown Huancayo.

No one helped because it looked like he was just sleeping and it’s not uncommon to find a sleeping, drunk man on a street of Huancayo. We have become desensitized to the sight.

The “bystander effect” states that we are less likely to help someone in trouble if we’re part of a larger crowd. “I’m sure that the other guy will help,” we tend to think. Then, no one does. There are victims.

What have you become desensitized to? Please inspire us by sharing about someone you recently helped who may have been ignored by society.

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This Animal Is Yours

Posted on November 24, 2010 | 4 Comments

Roy and his two friends are at a park in a neighbourhood of Huancayo called La Florida, in the outskirts of the city. A random lady calls out to them. No one pays any attention to her at first.

The group is confused. “You’re talking to me?” Roy’s friend asks.

“No. The one in the middle.” She was referring to Roy.

The woman speaks directly to Roy: “I’ll give you this iguana as a gift. It’s my daughter’s iguana. We’re going to travel and we can’t take him with us.” She proceeded to give Roy explicit instructions on what the iguana likes to eat, how he should be housed, and how to take care of him.

“Where do you live?” the lady asks Roy. She’s only speaking to Roy. Roy tells her that he lives pretty far away and that he didn’t know where he would find a spot for the iguana in his home. Roy’s friend says that he’ll take the iguana instead.

A few days later, Roy asks his friend how the iguana is. The friend is desperate. The iguana hadn’t had anything to eat or drink since the day he took him home. The iguana was dying.

“If the iguana is still in the same state after a few more days, give him to me. I’ll take care of him,” Roy tells his friend.

Roy was starting to regret not taking the iguana in the first place. He knew how to take care of iguanas. They had two large ones as pets when they lived in Lima, and the iguana from the lady of La Florida was just a teensy one. It would have been easy to take care of him.

Roy told his mom about what had happened and she confirmed the inkling he had: “The iguana was supposed to be yours. It’s why the lady didn’t ask the group, ‘Who wants my iguana?’ I learned about this and have seen it happen where I grew up in Huancavelica [a city further in the Andes more rural and poor than Huancayo]. If you were set on buying a certain cow but another one came along that caught your eye and you bought the second one instead, the first cow will die with whoever buys him because it shouldn’t have been for that person.”

The iguana died.

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Alone

Posted on November 16, 2010 | 2 Comments

“Loneliness is the most terrible poverty.” – Mother Teresa

I have always wondered how people can live alone – not single or independent, but isolated. Even though I like to consider myself a homebody and I find pride in being able to enjoy busying myself with solitary tasks, I can’t imagine a life devoid of family, coworkers, friends, and a partner.

They say that there was an old lady who lived across the street from where I used to live in Huancayo who trusted only one person, who only had one friend. The people she trusted the least were her family members. She was always afraid that her sisters would try and steal her money. She was rich by Peruvian standards.

She paid a neighbour to help her fix her water pipes one day. She let him into her home, and closed and locked the door behind him. She unlocked a second door to let him through, and then closed and locked that one behind him. There were three “front” doors in total. When they were done, she let him out with the same tedious unlocking and locking process.

The one friend had a copy of the keys to the old lady’s home in case of emergency – she was a storekeeper who lived at the end of the street. Other than their habitual gossip sessions, the old lady could usually be found sitting in front of her building, watching the goings-on of her neighbourhood. Every morning, she would open her garage for a bread vendor who stored her materials there.

One morning, the bread vendor was frustrated that the old lady wasn’t opening the door for her. With her regular customers complaining behind her, the vendor pleaded with the old lady’s friend – the storekeeper – to open the garage door for her. The storekeeper refused to open the door without explicit permission from the old lady.

In the afternoon, the police were called in. They found the old lady lying on the floor, near death. A few minutes later, she was gone. She could have been saved if someone had found her earlier.

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Parenting 101

Posted on December 1, 2008 | 1 Comment

Recently, parents have confided in Sara and I, asking for our advice on parenting, which felt ridiculous as a 23-year-old who neither has the appropriate experience, nor thinks about the subject often (if at all), nor has formally learned about parenting.

Think on these situations. Imagine what I may have been thinking when asked. Imagine the general sentiment here in Peru – an infinite amount of trust in whoever is introduced as a “specialist” and the possible lack of open conversation or education on the subject of parenting.

  1. Last week my nephew hit my son. Since then my son has been reacting to all new people he meets by hitting them. How do I erase information that he’s already learned from imitating others?
  2. My wife gave my son a bag of chocolates the other day and he started eating the whole bag even though it should have been shared with everyone in the family. So my wife took the chocolates away from him – then, of course, my son started crying. It hurt so bad as a parent to see him cry so I gave the chocolates back to him. Who was right, my wife or me?
  3. What is the best music to let my 2-year-old son listen to? I heard classical music was good for neonatals, but how about young children? The only problem is, my son won’t put up with classical music. He’ll only listen to reggaeton because that’s the type of music that his father loves.
  4. What do you think about those Baby Einstein videos? I heard that they really help to make your child smarter.
  5. My little sister always wants to rush to eat during mealtimes even though we try to explain to her that the potato is still steaming hot, for example. My mom always tells us to rush and cool down the potatoes so she can eat, but I say that we should let her learn for herself (i.e. let her touch the hot potato) or just keep the potato away even though she continues to cry. Who’s right?
  6. My baby sister always enters my room and starts rummaging through and destroying all my make-up. How do I teach her what things she shouldn’t do? How do I break her bad habits?

Me: How should I know?! I’m just a kid! Sheesh!

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